Being a Trendsetter is Exhausting

When I lived in San Francisco, I was the coolest person in the city because I rode a scooter (also called a "moped" or a "sex dragon"). But when I got back to the Berkshires, I found out that everyone has a scooter. I guess the trend that I set made its way from California to Massachusetts not unlike medical marijuana and Rice A Roni. Scooters are simply the must-have accessory of the summer.

This is what I look like when I ride my scooter through a rainbow.

I have had the following conversation over seven times:

Unbelievably Attractive Woman: Hi

Me: What do you want?

Unbelievably Attractive Woman: I couldn't help but notice how amazing you look while riding your sex dragon. Will you impregnate me?

Me: No

Allow me to now introduce you to some of the other Berkshires residents who have discovered that riding a scooter rockets you right to the top of the cool charts.

This is Garrit (to the right). Before he got a scooter, he was much shorter and his face looked like a butt. Now he is a total panty-dropper. Nathan (to the left) is his security guard.

This is Justin. Before he got a scooter he was as infertile as a mule. Now he has, like, 12 daughters. His loins are so full of life that his scooter itself is now pregnant. The child will probably be a lawnmower.

Justin introduced me to scooters. He is a true American hero.

Another way in which scooters are unbelievably incredible is that they use very little gas. Every time you don't ride a scooter, the terrorists win. Put that in your unpatriotic pipe and smoke it, Benedict Arnold!

If you have a scooter and would like to join BLO-ME (Berkshire League of Moped Enthusiasts), email a photo of yourself looking fucking amazing while riding or reclining on it to 413some@gmail.com.