Gambling with Brain Chemistry

We've all got our vices. Some smoke, others steal, and I myself enjoy raping the fuck out of pandas. Wouldn't it be great if, when caught in the act, you could excuse your prurient behavior as the unavoidable side-effect of perfectly legitimate medication? Well, now you can! Allow me to introduce you to a little group of drugs called Dopamine Agonists. Prescribed for the treatment of the apparent crock-of-shit known as Restless Leg Syndrome, these drugs are known to cause increased gambling and sexual deviance. Think I'm lying to you? Take a look at the Mayo Clinic's website:



Yep, this shit is for real. Since pills that treat leg tinglies can make you gamble away the house and try to finger grandpa, one can only imagine the other unforeseen side effects that medications can cause. Here are some uneducated predictions regarding drug side effects that we will hear about in the future:

1) When you take Tylenol PM, your neighbor experiences the urge to rename his cat.
2) Use of Midol leads to the compulsive renting of season one of The Gilmore Girls on BluRay.
3) Ambien, when combined with alcohol, will make you blow a cop.
4) Camomile tea causes pregnancy. The child will be biracial.
5) Drugs prescribed to treat fibromyalgia prevent the user from suffering shock when he or she remembers that Mark Knopfler uses the word "faggot" three times in the second verse of the original version of the Dire Straits' 1985 hit song Money For Nothing.
6) Excessive marijuana use leads to blogging.

From now on, any indiscretion can be chalked up to an innocent chemical byproduct. For example, that cup of coffee I had seven hours ago has got me in a, shall we say, certain mood.



"I'd had a latte, your Honor."