Things I Like: Smoking

Things I don't like: quitting smoking.

Friends, I am an imperfect man. I use the lord's name in vain, I don't particularly care for the Chinese, and I smoke cigarettes. Lots of them. Not gonna lie - my first cigarette upon waking is perhaps the highlight of my day. But when your day is all downhill from the start, you know that something needs to change. As a result, I am in the process of quitting smoking. Haven't seen me in a day or two? That's because I am in self-imposed exile while the demon exorcizes itself from my lungs' brain.

Here are some of the experiences I've had while experiencing withdrawal:

1) Desire to smoke

2) That's all

BTW, can I bum a Camel?

Things I Like: Diversity

Curious about the life of actress and comedian Whoopie Goldberg, I started to type her name into Google. I got as far as "Whoop", and the above list of suggestions popped up. Who knew that five simple letters could lead a searcher to information about disease, pastries, birds, and Tag Team's 1993 dance floor hit. What a surprisingly diverse revisiting of childhood delights!

Things I Like: Artistic Responsibility

Folks, sometimes it helps to think to life as an indifferent lottery. When it comes to looks, most of us fall somewhere near the middle of the spectrum: not supermodels, but not Swamp Things, either. This young woman lost the lottery. She looks like a wax sculpture of a lesbian gym teacher who was left in the sun too long and shrank into a squat troll. Her facial expression is appropriate, given her shitty, shitty luck.

But I must express my gratitude to this caricaturist who, despite what I'm sure is a natural tendency to glamorize his subjects, chose instead to take the moral high road by drawing an accurate rendering of this really, really unpleasant looking child. What is true art if not an expression of humanity's honest experience of the world?

Things I Like: The Free Market

Years and years of racial discourse have resulted in the constant deference to sensitivity when dealing with issues of inequality. Should these dolls all cost the same price? Maybe if Walmart took a tip from Affirmative Action legislation. But, thanks to the good old free market forces of supply and demand, these dolls have been priced according to their desirability by the doll-buying public. Thank you, free market, for restoring a bit of equality to the way small, plastic humanoids are ranked.

Things I Like

After a summer of hibernation, this stupid blog is back! I've decided to ease my return to the blogosphere by focusing on the positive things in my life. I am thus officially unveiling a subset of 413some called "Things I Like". Simple, short, and very, very sweet. Here goes...

Things I Like: Creative Problem Solving:

Ok, so Maggie was inconsiderate enough to drop dead right before her birthday party. Poor form, Maggie! Especially after everyone at the Eagles Club chipped in for that epic ice cream cake with custom lettering and everything. But at least her pals were crafty enough to put those multi-colored streamers and Dixie cups full of Kaopectate to work. And look at how masterfully they updated her birthday poster. Waste not, want not. That's what I always say.