Some People Have Musical Names!

These are all very real people who I found using whitepage.com. Imagine how much fun it would be to get them all together in one room...

-or-

(take your pick on that last one)

If some of these are a tad confusing, try ignoring the middle names.

The Cinematic Event of the Year...

MOTHRA STEWART!

Am I The Only One Who Missed This?

The president of Nigeria is named Goodluck motherfuckin' Jonathan!?! The dude's got my vote any day. Hanging out with babes on the reg? being named Goodluck? Running against some fool named Atiku Abubakar in an upcoming election? Mr. Jonathan is allllll set.

Also, just in case you were wondering which candidate is the forerunner when it comes to superior headwear style, Jonathan is the clear winner. Look at Mr. Funnyhat here:

What a fucking joker.

Also, here are my predictions regarding future Nigerian presidents:

2015: Highfive Eugene

2019: Bachelorparty Dennis

2023: Orgasmatron Steve

2027: Winninglotteryticket Brian

2031: Goodluck Jonathan (re-elected)

Things I Like: Strong Names

These six gents all have something in common. And my guess is that, what with being named "Lowell" and all, none of them are aware of the internet meme homophonous with their shared moniker.

Things I Like: Smoking

Things I don't like: quitting smoking.

Friends, I am an imperfect man. I use the lord's name in vain, I don't particularly care for the Chinese, and I smoke cigarettes. Lots of them. Not gonna lie - my first cigarette upon waking is perhaps the highlight of my day. But when your day is all downhill from the start, you know that something needs to change. As a result, I am in the process of quitting smoking. Haven't seen me in a day or two? That's because I am in self-imposed exile while the demon exorcizes itself from my lungs' brain.

Here are some of the experiences I've had while experiencing withdrawal:

1) Desire to smoke

2) That's all

BTW, can I bum a Camel?

Things I Like: Diversity

Curious about the life of actress and comedian Whoopie Goldberg, I started to type her name into Google. I got as far as "Whoop", and the above list of suggestions popped up. Who knew that five simple letters could lead a searcher to information about disease, pastries, birds, and Tag Team's 1993 dance floor hit. What a surprisingly diverse revisiting of childhood delights!