Space Rope!

This week has been boiling over with exciting scientific news. I guess this is only fair, since this will be the last week that ever exists (see previous post - we are all definitely going to die on Wednesday). If the Large Hadron Collider doesn't turn us into strangelets, we have some pretty amazing things to look forward to. These include the next 'sode of Gossip Girl and SPACE ROPE!

This is what the space rope will look like. It will look like a boner.


I am almost entirely ignorant as to how the space rope works, but I understand it this way: there's a big old rope hanging on down from outer space, and if you grab onto it tight enough the you get whisked up into space. That's it. Wanna go to space? Problem frickin' solved!

Here are some examples of conversations that will happen all the time once the space rope is operational:

Mom: Where's Dave?
Son: Space.
Mom: How'd he get there?
Son: Rope.

Friend 1: What are you doing today?
Friend 2: Probably get a sandwich, gotta swing by the cell phone store, then I'm gonna go to outer space real quick.
Friend 1: Sweet.

Wife: Why are you applying Vaseline to your chest and groin?
Husband: Space rope burn.

In case you are still not shaking with excitement over the space rope, check out this professionally taken photograph showing how cool I look while using the space rope.

Naked babes love the space rope. The future is gonna rule.