Saturday, April 4, 2009

The Search Continues: French Onion Soup Trial #2

If you are a regular follower of 413some, you may have read about my earlier attempt to find the Berkshires' most exquisite bowl of French onion soup. My first stop was Bistro Zinc, where I blacked out and, I'm pretty sure, killed a guy. But all that is behind my, and I resolved to forge ahead. I decided that my next stop should be Lenox's Olde Heritage Tavern, which plays the slovenly Oscar to Zinc's fastidious Felix. Here's a brief description of the good old 'Tage from


What else could I want? Well, Steve from Long Beach, not getting face-stabbed by the butt end of a pool cue every four minutes while attempting to enjoy dinner would be a nice start. And they could also turn down the ear-destroying volume of the mega final playoff game between the Mississippi Redskin Fisters and the North Carolina Stepdaughter Beaters. But I'm not here to disparage the tavern's atmosphere. I'm here to fill my maw with its French onion soup and see what happens. Let's take a look...


This camera phone rendering of the bowl of soup that was placed before me is poorly lit and out of focus, but perhaps that's for the best. What the Heritage defines as "French onion soup" appears to be a heated crock of weak broth with with some soggy bread floating in it like a dead manatee. Whereas traditional FOS is topped by a thick layer or bubble of lightish, slightly sweet cheese such as Gruyere or Comte, the 'Tage seems to have concluded that a thin vom-layer of...uhhhhh...I'm guessing...Kraft brand Swiss Cheese was adequate. This soup was also accompanied by the absolute worst fried chicken wings I have ever eaten. Poorly played, Olde Heritage Tavern. Poorly played indeed.

But, before I assign the Hertiage's FOS its final rating, I feel that I should take the overall establishment into consideration. With its recently refurbished decor, summertime karaoke nights, and attempts to hide its implicit racism and homophobia, the Heritage gives off the impression that it's trying its best. Kind of. But not really. Whatever. Sort of like the fat, "artistic" kid who joins the high school cross country ski team in order to prove everyone else wrong (me), the Heritage is a throwback to simpler, more retarded times, struggling to keep up with a confusing and unfriendly world. Keep trying, little buddy. But step up your FOS game.

Final soup rating: 2 out of 10 Garth Brooks cassettes.


Andrew said...

This officially marks my 69th blog post.

Rebecca said...

did you count them each individually?

syd said...

hey! come on over to the dead gay land of MDGS!

we are having a fun contest this week