Lookin' Extramarital, Lenox Coffee!

True story: I was bar tending at the Dream Away Lodge in Becket, MA last night. There was a jovial bar crowd full of faces both new and familiar. One new face belonged to a pretty lady who leaned against the bar and made chit-chat with me while I mixed cocktails. It came up in conversation that she was new to the Berkshires, and that I work at Lenox Coffee (both details are important to this story). When she mentioned that she frequents Lenox Coffee, I informed her that I work there, and that I'm responsible for the fucking amazing phenomenon known as "Lookin' Good, Lenox Coffee!". Her face instantly blanched, and she said (I kid you not), "You are partially responsible for my divorce." After I gawked at her in a stupor, she elaborated that she had recently come to the Berkshires on a trip, in part to gain some distance from a less-than-exemplary marriage in Philadelphia. It turns out that the photo of her that appeared on Lookin' Good, Lenox Coffee! included her and a gentleman friend of hers. When her husband saw this photo, he flew into a jealous rage which led to the finalization of their divorce. So now I may add to my list of titles, which already includes barista, bar tender, writer, A-hole, and drunkard, the label "home-wrecker". Would you like your marriage to be torn asunder? Well then I recommend that you frequent my blogs! Even if I don't cause you to get a divorce, I'll surely fuck you up in someway or another. Destruction is just in my nature, it seems. I apologize in advance.

LeVar Burton Update!

Get this! It turns out that a friend of mine knows LeVar Burton personally and may be able to put me in touch with him! So there is a chance that, in the not too distant future, 413some will proudly display my interview with LEVAR MORTHERFUCKING BURTON and his opinions regarding my proposed Halloween costume and the state of racial relations in the United States in the 21st century. I will keep you updated as this story develops.

I can't fucking wait.

Andrew Flint: Pioneer of Racial Relations

In my unending quest to simultaneously be as cool as possible and to also make the world a better place, I have embarked upon a treacherous journey. My plan, as it stands, is to dress as Star Trek: The Next Generation's Chief Engineer Geordi La Forge for Halloween this year. I selected this character due to his coolness under pressure and to his superior eye-wear. This is what Geordi La Forge looks like:

La Forge was portrayed by thespian LeVar Burton, an individual who I discussed at length on this very blog a few weeks ago. Now, for those of you who don't know me personally, I am white. But since La Forge is clearly of African descent, make-up would be necessary to make me resemble him (make-up being a normal part many Halloween costumes). However, this presents me with a certain conundrum. The application of brown make-up to a white man's face has an unfortunate history in the United States. It could potentially conjure up memories of Minstrel Shows, the racist comedy performances popular during the post-Civil-War era.

So how am I, as a sensitive white man, to go about assessing whether or not it is appropriate for me to dress as one of my favorite television characters for Halloween? At the advice of my mother, I decided to try to get my information straight from the horse's mouth. I emailed LeVar Burton. Yes, he's a celebrity. But, honestly, how long has it been since you've heard his name mentioned in any sort of legitimate media? The peak of his career is clearly over, having crested somewhere around '94. So I sent a message to the "contact" email address on his homepage, LeVarBurton.com. Here is what I said:

I eagerly await Mr. Burton's reply. While discussing this potential Halloween costume with various acquaintances, I have encountered mixed responses. Some claim that such a costume would be too tainted by racist associations to be socially acceptable. Other, primarily those who are fellow fans of Star Trek: The Next Generation, think that the costume would be FUCKING AWESOME. So, since I myself am no King Soloman, I have left it up to LeVar Burton, Kunta Kinte himself, to determine whether I, Andrew Flint, in an Obama-is-the-president era, can un-offensively dress as Geordi La Forge for Halloween. For those of you who cannot imagine what I'd look like dressed as Engineer La Forge, here is an artistic approximation:

So, whaddya think? Please comment on this post with your thoughts regarding my potential costume. And I will certainly keep you updated if LeVar himself ever responds to me.