Thursday, February 18, 2010

French Onion Soup Review: The Olde Forge Restaurant

Ah, the Olde Forge. It's where Berkshires residents go when they want to forget that they live in "America's Premier Cultural Resort", and pretend that they just got back from hunting elk and queers in the mountains of one of the fly-over states.

Some would call the establishment "rustic" and others might refer to it as "homey", but I tend to think of it as "that place with good wings where I'll probably get beat up someday". Let's see what some other patrons have had to say about the Lanesboro staple on the review site

Well, Melissa S. from New York, NY, you're clearly a weirdo. Why would you try to date barbecue ribs? They're not going to give you the emotional support you need. Remember what your therapist said, Melissa. Food is not love. And besides, 413some is only concerned with one item on the Olde Forge's menu, and that item is French onion soup. Let's see how it goes...

I must say that the cheese portion atop the crock of soup was quite generous, and was baked to a perfect crust. Topped with spices and cascading over the sides, this toadstool of glop looked quite appetizing, especially when accompanied by a gin martini. It should be noted that the Olde Forge is renowned for its wide beer selection and mug club. But, in order to hold on to the last remaining shred of my personal identity as I resigned myself to this anachronistic hunting lodge, I had to order a very, very gay drink. That being said, the lightness of the gin gracefully acquiesced to the heaviness of the soup. It was a wise combination. And the pleasures didn't stop at the top of cheese mountain. As I broke the surface and delved into the steaming broth below, my gullet was sated spoonful after greasy spoonful. Now, this is not to say that the soup was exquisite. It could have been a bit more flavorful, and certainly would have benefited from a larger portion of onions. But, for its modest price, it was a pretty darn good bowl of French onion soup. But, before I officially rate the soup, I must address the issue of the drunken waitress.

I admit that the video above does not depict the actual waitress who served me at the Olde Forge, but it might as well have been. She was already stumbling as she took our orders, and spilled about half of my martini on the table before it reached my hand. By the time we paid the check, she was literally slurring her words and kept repeating how much she liked us. Homegirl knew how to party.

So in conclusion, I deem the French onion soup pretty good, especially considering the level of intoxication of the establishment's employees. Since the front-of-house staff was drunk enough to douse a customer in gin and not bat an eye, one can only speculate as to how many milligrams of Oxy Contin the kitchen staff had railed. But they still managed to get all that soup into the crock, which somehow made its way to my table successfully. Well played.

Final soup review: 7 out of 10 drunk driving victims.

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