"Just kidding. I'm actually a mole rat. But you totally thought I was a cock n' balls with teeth, didn't you? Seeing as I'm the most hideous creature on the planet, the only thing I have to fall back on is my sense of humor."
"Here's what it looks like when I'm nursing my young. Or, if you are attracted to hairless, flaccid wieners, you can pretend that this photo depicts a bunch of tiny penises attacking a much larger penis, perhaps in an attempt to steal its virility. Whatever gets you through the night."