Today, in Lenox, Massachuesetts, something very, very quaint happened. Pie baking contest? Nope. Harvest festival? Wrong! Butt party? Dude, that doesn't even mean anything. What actually happened was this:
THE MOTHERFUCKING TUB PARADE!!!
This parade, which happens every September on Lenox's Main Street, celebrates rich people who died a long time ago and the horses that dragged them around, because walking is for the poor. When I arrived at the site of the parade, I was greeted by the smell of popcorn and of horse turds. See these kids in red shirts? Their job is to pick up the turds. You think I'm kidding. I'm not. These kids pick up shit. This job is what's known as a "resume builder".
While watching this historical parade I was greeting with astonishing sights and sounds, including this fat little philly running its little legs off to drag a rich lady around. I tried to embed the video. But nope, that sure didn't work. Here's a link, though.
This horse wishes that it could eat the rich lady.
But he didn't eat her. And before any of us knew it, hell-on-wheels came roaring down the road, complete with a dude in a hat blowing a horn. It was the best day of my life.
I love you, rich people.