Okay. When I was in kindergarten, I touched my teacher's vagina. JK! That would have been weird. But one weird thing that I actually did experience in kindergarten was a strange little dolphin named Duso. He was a hand puppet that was brought to "life" by our guidance counselor, Mrs. Prince. Once every few weeks Mrs. Prince would come in to class, gather us around, and then pull this blue piece of fabric out of her magic bag. This was Duso, and he would lecture us about being a good person. I have told this story to countless piers of mine in the past few years, and none of them have any idea what I'm talking about. Allow me to enlighten...
DUSO stands for "Developing and Understanding of Self and Others". That's right. He was a tolerance dolphin. Click here to learn more.
This odd-looking fellow has placed his fist inside of Duso. It's OK though, because Duso accepts him and his perversions. In fact, Duso kind of likes it.
I recall having to sing a song to Duso encouraging him to come out and play with us. None of us knew the words. It was awkward. I also remember Duso singing a song called "Maybe You Laughed", about encounters with the less fortunate. Maybe I laughed? I definitely fuckin' laughed. Here are the lyrics:
Some hasty research reveals that this tune was penned by a woman named Janeen Brady, and that she's a Mormon who has songs included in the Church of Jesus Christ and the Latter Day Saints Songbook. Thank you, Lenox public schools, for giving me a great secular education!