Despite my previous, impassioned claims that nuclear war and/or excessive napping would bring the American empire to its bloodied knees by November of '07, we are still here. Goodbye shitty 2008, hello bright 'n shiny 2009! Remember that movie "Can't Buy Me Love", later remade as "Love Don't Cost a Thing", in which a nerdy student hires a popular girl to be friends with him so his social life will turn around? That shit was stupid. Cool cats like me take the initiative to change their lives without the aid of cheerleaders. We do so by making things called "resolutions". Look out, future. Here comes Andrew!
My resolutions for 2009:
1) Learn to play the violin.
2) Make romance with sexy women from all eight continents. (In 2009 we will discover an eighth continent. It will be called "Upper Antarcticon", and it will be sa-weeet!).
3) Become at least 14% bionic.
4) Learn how to play Sudoku. Just kidding. Sudoku is for a-holes.
The future is gonna rule.