Sunday, August 30, 2009

Jesus - With You Always

Have you even wondered what the best website on the ENTIRE FUCKING INTERNET is? Well wonder no longer, my misguided amigo, because I have located it for you. I'm not going to waste your time. Here's the site in question right here --> Jesus - With You Always. The artwork on this website is created by a gentleman by the name of Larry Van Pelt who, at the age of 50, decided to devote his entire life to producing drawings that depict the presence of Jesus in everyday life situations. The one problem was that Mr. Van Pelt had no drawing experience whatsoever. So he devoted a full 10 years to the drawings what you see on this website. I highly recommend that you read his story and ponder every drawing. But to simplify things, I've selected some of the choicest images and added appropriate captions. I invite you to take a gander...

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"It's $20 for a half hour alone with the kid. $50 if you want me to take pictures."

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"For someone with no dental experience, you're doing a pretty adequate job!"

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"Way to play the faggiest instrument ever, queer!"

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"So, uh, I see that you're trying to shove that metal rod into that cliff face. I know I'm not supposed to judge anyone, but dude, get a fuckin' life."

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"Free Bird!"

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"It's the eye of the tiger, it's the cream of the fight..."

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"Hee hee hee! Lookit the silly monkey man playing with his stupid monkey sticks!"

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"It's ok, man. It happens to lotsa guys."

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"You know what I always say. If there's grass on the field, play ball!"

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"Ok dude. You've almost got the hand thing down. Just pull your three lower fingers in further. It's really not that hard. Just pretend you're finger-blasting a virgin."

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"So, you've got 3 more years in Iraq, huh? Sucks to be you, bro. Don't pray to me, by the way, cause I've got this girl I'm pretty much spending all my time with. She's a PROFESSIONAL CONTORTIONIST! So, uh, try to avoid those land mines, I guess."

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"Y'ever been to third base with the fucking SON OF GOD?!? Just put down that retarded book and take your shirt off."

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"So do you like the Adderall? I know a guy who can get a bunch more. $5 a pill."

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"Dude, I don't care if you're gonna fuck the dog. I really don't. But, for the collie's sake, please at least slather your bone with some vaseline or something."

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"I told you I'd pay for half the abortion, baby."

3 comments:

Justin said...

Keep up the good work, you black hearted, baby eating juden.

Ryan said...

Youknownickdixonplaysthefrenchtubadoesthatmakehimgay?

EoinMonterey said...

Grass on the field, baby, grass on the field......

Jesus don't judge.