Saturday, August 22, 2009

Let's Talk About LeVar Burton

Our world is full of uncertainty, of constant change. But one force that remained stable throughout my childhood was the presence of a man. His name is LeVar Burton, and he has many, diverse talents.

Some may recall Mr. Burton from his portrayal of the enslaved African youth Kunta Kinte on the televised miniseries Roots. Remember that scene where the white slave-driver guy kept whipping Kunta Kinte because he refused to denounce his African name? That shit was badass.

And then, as if LeVar hadn't made enough of an impact on the collective consciousness of the United States, he blew our fucking minds as Geordi La Forge, the kinda-blind black dude on the deck of the Starship Enterprise. He was calm, cool, smart, and always ready to take over the Enterprise's bridge if Captain Jean Luc Picard needed to sneak off to the Holodeck to pretend to be a 1940s film noir detective and fingerbang sexy detective babes. The entire Starfleet owes Chief Engineer La Forge a debt of gratitude.
The visor says "I can see into your soul", the pursed lips say "I don't fuck around", and the flowery signature says "I am a flaming homosexual".

And then, as if he hadn't done enough, LaVar hosted a little television program called READING FUCKING RAINBOW! If you were born between the years of 1980 and 1985, then this show taught you how to be smart. And LeVar made it all sound so fun!

Oh, and guess fucking what?! Remember that fucking AWESOME cartoon Captain Planet and the Planeteers? Well, you may recall a young, idealistic planateer by the name of Kwame, who possessed the power of "Earth".

Any guesses as to the actor who voiced young Kwame? If you guessed Morgan Freeman then you're a complete retard, cause the answer is clearly LeVar Burton! Where do this man's talents end?!?!?!

So, Monsieur Burton, here's to you! Whether teaching me about racial relations, intergalactic ethics, the importance of literary pursuits, or environmental awareness, you have affected my life in countless ways. And for this, my friend, I thank you.

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