Thursday, August 7, 2008

Let's Talk About Language

Haha! That's like READING about LITERATURE, or CRYING about SEX!!! Gosh, sometimes I just give meself a case of the chuckles.

Anywhoa, I often get the impression that my extensive and well-refined use of slang confuses some people. My first instinct was to stop hanging around with such R-tards, but then I realized that I have a golden opportunity to enlighten some, shall we say, stupider minds. So here is a helpful glossary of modern slang. I hope you find illuminating, Humphrey Brogart.

Baller (N) - A man of the highest social standing and of widely renowned poon-slaying skills.
Example - "Giovanni, you are truly a gentleman and a baller."

Crunk (V) - The past tense of "crown".
Example - "Prince George V was crunk king of England on the sixth of may, 1910."

Hyphee (ADJ) - Wild n' crazy. Derives from the Old English "Haufoos", meaning agitated by evil blood demons.
Example - "Enth dame Hippolyta gettyne hyphee upone miyne arse. 'Zounds!" (Chaucer)

Merk (V) - To kill, to defeat, to leave, to smoke. Really, merk can be used to mean any action that is approached with a thuggish attitude. Its versatility harkens back to the multipurpose use of the word "Smurf" on some cartoon. I forget which one.
Example: "I'm about to merk to that party as soon as I merk this L."

Narc (V) - To tattle on someone. The term's origins are found in the practice, common among coroners, of making romance both in and on the corpses left in their care, an act known as "Narcolepsy". Then, uh, someone would tell on them I guess.
Example: "NARC!"

Queef (V,N) - It means to fart out your V-hole. Huh huh.
Example: "Dude, your apartment smells like Red Bull and queef."

Splooge (N) - Peen drippins.
Example: "Dude, your apartment smells like Axe Body Spray and Splooge."

Take in this knowledge, friends. More slang definitions are to come.


Tom S said...

Yo Andrew,

I was farting around the internet and I thought to check out this blog the coffee shop people are upset about. It's a pretty gay blog. Anyway, I like yours. And my own url is below. I havn't posted anything recently because for the most part, it's only stuff that's been put in print in some form or another... which reminds me there's some random school journal things I might add. Point is I don't know how to just e-mail you, so I'm leaving this comment.

Only reason I'm remotely interested in the gossip blog is because while smoking a butt in front of SoCo before work today, Johnny came up and showed it to me. And, furthermore, seemed pretty sure it was my own. Don't mention it to him, please; I'd rather address him myself. Ok, this is far too long, talk to ya later.

Anonymous said...

nah i said i was pretty sure it was ur friend's blog not yours..i know you have better things to do then talk about my business to people right? you wouldn't ever do that

Coco Agnes said...

Tom, don't act like you don't know what you did

Andrew said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Andrew said...

Now now, kids. My blog is no place to quarrel. It's a place for laughter and prolonged, uncomfortable hugs.