Let's Talk About Burritos

Some might say that talking about burritos is like chewing gum about calculus. Those people are retarded. Let's talk about burritos.

I want you inside me.

Burritos are one of the two best foods. The other is watermelon. "But what about delicious cheese?" you might ask. Well I say throw that shit in a burrito. Steak? Burrito! Guacamole? Burrito! Lobster? Why the fuck not...Burrito! Watermelon is the only awesome food that you can't put in a burrito.

I used to live in San Francisco. Everyone in San Francisco is a little bit fat, even the hipsters. This is because everyone eats a burrito every day. The only skinny people in San Francisco are the Mexicans, who are responsible for making these burritos. This presents what scientists have dubbed "¡El Problemo Rediculoso de Burritos!"


Hipsters in New York look like scary cocaine vampires. Hipsters in San Francisco are fat and happy.


For five dollars you can get a burrito that is both the size and shape of your stomach. For those of us who are still too embarrassed to say "fish taco" out loud in public, this is the best deal you will ever find. Unfortunately, friends, the burrito situation in the Berkshires is grim. If you are in Lenox and you want a burrito you have to go the Betty's Pizza Shack, where they give you something resembling in size, shape, and smell a flaccid, sauce-covered wang. It costs nine dollars. Fuck that shit.


If you happen to find yourself in Great Barrington you can get a burrito at Azteca. They get the size and the shape right, but your burrito will be full of too much bland rice and not enough yum yums. Someone needs to tell them that this isn't Kripalu, Broheeeeem. For eight bucks I want half a damn cow in that 'rrito. Also, the woman who works there was mean to me.

Do you know where I can get a decent burrito around here? Please tell me. Please. 413some@gmail.com.

BURRITO UPDATE:
Rebecca and I got burritos from Athena II in Lenox yesterday. We also got a 12 pack of Pabst and rented Be Kind Rewind. It was a good day. The burritos, while tasty, were not composed in the traditional way. They were more akin to fajitas, thus earning several demerits. Also, PJ told me there's a burrito place in Pittsfield that supposed to be good, but he forgot what it's called.