Sunday, July 13, 2008

You Should be Jealous of Me

Why? Because I have so much fun that it is literally illegal (MA Penal Code A7.36-12). I have so much fun, in fact, that roughly half of California abandoned their lifestyle of delicious, plentiful burritos and loose hippie women and followed me to the Berkshires. 

Here is a photo of a San Francisco refugee. Her name is Rebecca, and she will melt your brain with her unbelievable ice cream. You: "Ice cream? Melt your brain? But that doesn't make sense!" Me: "Shhhhhhhhhhh. Just let it happen." You: "Now I feel uncomfortable." 
Rebecca once made ice cream that tasted like basil and earthquakes. This is what happened when we fed it to a cat.
This cat's name is Chester Copperpot, and he's fuckin' dead!

See this guy? His name is Nathan and he also lived in San Francisco. And that lady on the left? She's Becky, and she lived in LA. The one in the middle is Sydney. No one knows where she came from. She speaks a dialect not unlike that of the Gebusi of Papua New Guinea, but her skin is pale like a European's. Anthropologists are baffled. 
becky syd nathan
People of all sorts flock to me.

"But Andrew", you may inquire. "Have you not the power to attract people from America's great South, the land of mint juleps and slavery?" Well guess frickin' what! The lady on the left, yeah, that's Sally, and she's from Virginia. And the one on the right? That's Deja, and she's from the future!
Sally Rebecca Deja
Look! An ice cream sandwich!

This is what parties at BTF look like. BTF stands for Booty Too Fine (makes sassy hand gesture, then snaps fingers provocatively). I had so much fun at the BTF party that I climbed a magical bean pole just like Mario.
Except when I got back down to the floor, a mean lady was yelling at me. I didn't listen to her, though, because she smelled like queefs and Preparation H. I guess some people don't like fun. 

This is Adolph. He hated fun, and now he's dead.

If you love fun, you should email and tell me about the fun things you do. 

Today's word of the day is INEPT: adj, Having no skill, clumsy. Example: The typing above is inconsistent in both color and size because Andrew is completely inept when it comes to writing a decent looking blog. He should be publicly beaten and ridiculed, and then fellated.

1 comment:

s. said...

that is ONE happy LOLCAT!

"I can haz flesh eating bacterium?"