All Famous People Look The Same (Look Like Me)

Now that I am an online sensation I have joined a long, proud lineage of very famous and virile young men who look quite similar in the ol' faceroo. Did we perhaps spring from a common genetic fountain of life, or have the luxuries of fame molded us into statues of perfection and success? I am not the one to answer this question. My only job at this point is to gaze wistfully toward the right of the computer screen and recline amongst the spoils of renown. Allow me to introduce you to some of my fellow celebrity look-alikes.

This man's name is Rod Stewart. He used to be married to a supermodel. But then he kicked her to the curb cause she was always yip-yappin' at him and, man, screw that noise.


This handsome fellow is named Ronnie Wood, and he's in a little band called the ROLLING FUCKING STONES. Mick Jagger used to cry because Ronnie was stealing all the babes. Life can be difficult sometimes.


Who is this fellow with those bewitching eyes?!? Why, it's Freddie Mercury, that's who! He rocked so hard that he got literally killed by fame (AIDS).


What can I say about Barry Manilow that hasn't already be said? Brilliant, angelic voice, Zeus-like handsomeness, hung like a Mongol. I could go on all day. And look at that coy little smile! No wonder he's maintained cultural relevance for so many years.


And, most importantly of all, there's THIS GUY! Someone has to carry the torch of having sunken eyes, a weak jaw, and a pronounced Jew nose. One at a time, ladies.